Richard Crooks's Website

Silly Small Ads

Why sell a chair, when you could sell a solid gold throne that has undergone such extensive renovations that it is now basically made of wood? And why not have a reason for learning French, like the need to establish contact with a colony of French speakers as part as your attempts to woo one of them?

When I write small ads, I like to make them exciting, and fun to read, so that people remember them. Too many small ads are boring, so why not make fun ones?

Read my fun small ads here.


C1 For Sale

2020-01-13 - 21:35:00

Since this boat does not exist on my BSF186, and my brother has told me that the boat needs to go, this boat needs selling otherwise it'll be a boat that needs selling and will remain indefinitely trapped in a place without a human to boat the boat.

Key benefits of this boat are:
1. The boat exists in real life
2. The boat is quite stable
3. The boat is light (10kg)
4. The boat is banned from ever being seen by me which means it won't be turned into stone
5. The boat is a C1
6. The boat is waterproof
7. The boat is not a Beavertail which means it is non porous and isn't an object designed to not be a boat
8. Best of all, as the boat is not a Beavertail you won't need to worry about people eating your boat when you're at Nottingham. It would be awfully embarrassing to leave your boat on your car while you go to the loo and come back to discover no boat and an extremely large person lying next to your car as the sheer weight of Beavertail they've consumed weighs them down and prevents their cheeky escape from the locale of their lunch

The boat is located in Leighton Buzzard.

Looking for CAD250 or nearest offer. Equivalent in GBP is also acceptable.

Unused Masonry Drill - £15

2019-08-07 - 22:02:00

I have this masonry drill which I think might be another level of amazing. You put it against a wall and boom boom boom boom boom, no more wall. And even better, no more wall in that little section of wall that you decided should have no more wall.

It also does no more area of wood of your choice.

It's really useful for drilling holes in. It can't tell you where the holes should go, the late great Ken Crooks would be able to tell you that.

It has never been used by me and is still in its original packaging. I've never had a need to use it and I bought it on a whim. It is being sold because it uses a different form of electricity to that which will be available to me soon.

If you would like to buy it, please email me and you can begin your masonryity!

A pair of CD Racks - Free

2019-08-07 - 21:53:00

I have a couple of CD racks to get rid of as part of the great emptying.

A Rotating CD Rack - This one spins round and round and round and round and round allowing the CDs to process around an extravagent view of the surrounding locale of the CD rack. It holds 64 CDs.

A Shelvy Sort of CD Rack - This one has 3 by 3 cells, a bit like Springfield Squares, which was a thing in the Simpsons, but is also apparently based on a thing in real life. It doesn't rotate, so it's unexciting from that perspective, but it can be attached to a wall. It holds 108 CDs.

If you would like either of these, please email me and I will give them to you.

Crate GX-15 Guitar Amp £20 ONO

2019-08-04 - 18:07:00

As the Montreal Alouettes announcer says, faire du bruit! At which point your cowbell should ring the freeest of the free ringing cowbells in order to stop people like Trevor Harris or Bo Levi Mitchell doing their ghastly quarterback associated misdeeds against the Alouettes.

If you're not trying to put such athletes off their tasks, and instead are trying to turn the non-accoustically loud noises made by electric guitars into music, you might want this amplifier. It's really good. It's excellent as a practice amp, although I think it'll be difficult to use if you're a part time stadium rocker because it's not quite big enough for Percival Molson field, as an example.

It uses 230v electricity, which is why I'm selling it. If you would like it, please email me and I'll be pleased to sell it to you.

Turn my Lack Tables into a Lack of Tables!

2019-08-04 - 17:10:00

I have a load of furniture and stuff, and it has to go because I'm not putting a load of flatpack furniture onto a shipping pallet and asking for a CBSA agent to check that I've filled in a form properly, especially since it's wooden and from IKEA.

Brown-Black Lack Coffee Table £15 - You can also put tea on it, which is more quintisentially British. When I buy another one of these I'll be putting coffee on it. It also has like a rack like thing that you can put stuff on too.

2 Oak Effect Lack Side Tables £3 each - They go to the side, of stuff, that exists. You can put these to the side of anything. Your sofa, your chair. One of them is currently to the side of my shelving unit, and the other one is to the side of my sofa beneath my flag and occasionally has the true patriot love in all of us command projected at it. If you would like either of them in particular, I will give you that one, but they are otherwise the same.

If you would like these, please email me I would be most pleased to sell them to you, and I'll even accept offers because they need to be sold.

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