Richard Crooks's Website
Silly Small Ads
Why sell a chair, when you could sell a solid gold throne that has undergone such extensive renovations that it is now basically made of wood? And why not have a reason for learning French, like the need to establish contact with a colony of French speakers as part as your attempts to woo one of them?
When I write small ads, I like to make them exciting, and fun to read, so that people remember them. Too many small ads are boring, so why not make fun ones?
Read my fun small ads here.
2019-04-24 - 14:31:00
Deploy deploy! The Jem'Hadar are fearsome warriors who deploy into combat zones and fight in order to protect the Dominion, which is really just a power structure to protect the Changelings from solids. Because of their fearsome nature, and the fact they protect the Dominion, Canada should have a special forces unit also called the Jem'Hadar, in honour of the fact that the original Star Trek captain, William Shatner, is Canadian.
Like the Jem Hadar's deployment into the Alpha quadrant, these media have to be deployed too, so they're for sale. They're £1 each unless otherwise stated. Please see the attached files for lists of CDs and DVDs.
If you've got no idea what the Jem'Hadar are, I suggest you buy the complete series of Star Trek Deep Space Nine where you will discover what they are. It also features Nicole de Boer, who is also Canadian, but not as a Jem'Hadar.
Not on these lists I also have "100 Million Bon Jovi Fans Can't Be Wrong", a limited edition collection of unreleased Bon Jovi songs, including early versions of hits such as Someday I'll Be Saturday Night, and Always. I'm looking for £10 for it.
If you would like any of these, please email me and I will be most pleased to sell these to you.
2019-04-11 - 16:33:00
I still have a vast quantity of discs to sell. Each one of these is a line on a form which someone like the nice woman who caused me to lose my Kozlik's spices will have to read. You don't want her to have to read a form do you? Even if she did cause me to lose my Kozlik's she was very nice and she doesn't deserve to have to read more lines on a form than she has to.
They're also so shiny, and they spin round and round and round and round, really, really, really fast. Of course you don't have to actually watch the spinning, because that spinning turns into sounds and audio-visual delights which you can sit back and enjoy.
If you would like any of these CDs or DVDs, they're £1 each unless otherwise stated. Please email me and I'll be very pleased to sell any, or indeed even all of them, to you.
2019-04-11 - 16:33:00
Someone told me they couldn't buy any of my discs because they didn't have an optical disc reader! Outrageous! What a terrible calamity to be the case!
Such an unfortunate scenario really needs to be averted... but how could it be averted?
Luckily, there exists a device that you can use to turn your not an optical disc reading computer, into a genuine bonafide optical disc reading computer!
The person who told me they were unable to play any discs should approach me and ask to buy it, but even if they don't, anyone else can approach me to also buy it and I would like £5 for it. It's really easy to plug in and it works and allows you to play discs. This is really useful if you have a notebook size computer which lacks an internal optical drive.
If you would like it, please email me and I can sell it to you.
2019-04-02 - 17:14:00
If you eat a large quantity of cheese, you can go to sleep at night and close your eyes and start dreaming really bizarre dreams that are utterly bizarre, plus you'll remember them and turn them into films that you'll watch, and everyone else will watch too and then you'll become a really famous movie director who will have lots of really bizarre movies that everyone likes, all because you eat cheese. Then you'll buy a Lexus and a mansion in Laval, QC.
However if you don't like cheese, or don't fancy eating enough of it to start interfering with your dreams, you might instead like the films that other people have made. With their cheese eating sacrifice they brought you these videographic delights, and all they had to do was to eat lots of cheese.
If you would like any of these DVDs, they're £1 each unless otherwise stated. Please email me () and I'll be delighted to sell them to you and tell you about the huge block of exceptionally ripe taleggio that I managed to obtain that it fraught with utter deliciousness.
2019-04-02 - 17:13:00
Do you ever find yourself sitting at home going wreeawm down, nowm down, brawawnown dowm down, ba dooo de doo. Or even bar doooo, dooo doooo doeediii doooo dalooodoooo dooo doooo.
Wouldn't it be good to save some sort of thing that creates the music for you?
With these CDs, you can create some music without having to use your internally imaginative synthesizer! You just put it on and sit back and listen to the pleasing music.
All discs in the attached list are £1. If you would like any of them, please email me () and I'll be delighted to sell them to you. They are being sold because of my direct involvement in a daah da da da da da da da dadaladada in preparation for a daaah daaah da da!
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