Richard Crooks's Website
Silly Small Ads
Why sell a chair, when you could sell a solid gold throne that has undergone such extensive renovations that it is now basically made of wood? And why not have a reason for learning French, like the need to establish contact with a colony of French speakers as part as your attempts to woo one of them?
When I write small ads, I like to make them exciting, and fun to read, so that people remember them. Too many small ads are boring, so why not make fun ones?
Read my fun small ads here.
2019-03-26 - 17:02:00
Esteemed director, Steven Spielberg, claimed that the film Paranormal Activity was so scary that even the disc he was given to watch it was haunted, such was the demonic evil associated with such a motion picture.
I've never seen this film, because I'm even scared of the sound of cornflakes so such a film would be far too scary for me! However I do have this collection of DVDs to sell.
They're all really good and they cost £1 unless otherwise stated. I recommend you buy as many of these as possible, because the more of these you buy, the more space they'll take up and the less likely you are to accidentally buy a DVD that's as evil and as haunted as the one Steven Spielberg had.
Please see attached list, and if you would like any of them please email me.
2019-03-22 - 17:10:00
I was provided with some instructions that noise has to be made, so that calls for the only possible object that could possibly ever be used to generate noise: The devastating noise of the cowbell! Slicing through quarterbacks dreams and making them throw interceptions, get sacked, and generally be destroyed as the defense adds a 13th player weighing 800lbs who can bench press 5000lbs and run a 3 second 40 yards and has a 20 foot vertical jump to terminate the offensive line, because the cowbell sound is such a powerful weapon. That awesome power will also be deployed for other scenarios where there warrants the deployment of noise.
However some noises are thoroughly pleasant to listen to and exist for enjoyment sake as opposed to being used to destroy quarterbacks. Music is such a noise, and these CDs contain music, on albums, which can be listened to. And they are in the attached list.
All discs are £1. Please email me if you would like any of them and I will be most pleased to sell them to you.
2019-03-18 - 15:53:00
In ye olden days when the internet was starting to exist and it wasn't very good, there were AOL CDs that were given to absolutely everyone, and no one liked them, and I was a paperboy and the postman had to deliver loads of them and he was really annoyed with them too.
In such nostalgic times, there also existed good, stuff, like, I dunno, really awesome TV series, and it was all nostalgic, which it good, because nostalgia isn't what it used to be. But fast forward to today and the sort of optical media that exists are not AOL discs, but they're DVDs that contain audiovisual pleasentnesses.
Anyway, I have this exceptionally large stack of DVDs to sell. The more of them you buy the more pleased I'll be. They're all region 2, as the only region 1 DVD I have is not in this collection that are for sale. Region 2 is the region of DVDs that Europe is in, I don't think there are any plans for Britain to leave region 2 next week, which is good, because that would be quite extreme.
Please see attached list, they are £1 unless otherwise stated, and if you are interested in any of them please email me and I will be most pleased to sell them to you.
2019-03-12 - 09:42:00
If you have children, you should buy these press up stands for your children. They work in a similar way to Powerthirst, however they work especially well on your arms and shoulders, which are important muscles for canoeing. So your children will canoe as fast as Canadians, then when people watch them canoeing they'll think that they're Canadians, and then they beat the Canadians at canoeing in such a dramatic result and they'll get deported back to Canada, eh, which is great because you can visit them and have a holiday eating poutine. For that is how awesomely strong these press up stands will make them.
You can also use them yourself as a home workout, they're really good and allow you to do awesome press ups.
If you would like them, please email me and I will be most pleased to give them to you.
2019-02-14 - 11:45:00
There are still a number of CD albums for sale! And they really are for sale! Such is the sellity associated with them!
This range of music is such a range of music that it provides a unique exploration of Richard's mind, not content with merely taking over the space:time continuum and covering everything in toffee sauce, Richard also listens to music. Although sadly for reasons he does not need to go into at this juncture, he needs to convert other people to be like himself, therefore this music collection of CDs needs to be sold in order to conduct the conversion to turn the space:time continuum into both a place and a period which is covered in megalomaniacal toffee sauce throwers!
Richard denies allegations that his keenness on chaos is because he has been taken over by the Shadows, to be used in opposition to their mortal enemies, the Vorlons.
All discs are £1. Please email me.
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